I've been woefully absent on my blog, but that's because I've had so much to do. And, in some ways, Korea has really become regular, daily life that doesn't really require a 'blog.'
These days I've been training in the new teacher, Lauren, who is really competent. She has more training at this than either Emily or I had, and I know she'll do just fine. She's taught in the States, so she'll have a huge heads up on both of us.
Right now, I feel a lot like I felt right before I moved to college. There's a huge, exciting adventure ahead of me, but I don't know how it will be, and I can't imagine it at all. I don't know if I'll be ready. I don't know if I'll be able to handle it, but I do know that I want to do it, so that's all I have right now.
It's really hard to say goodbye to my baby students. I'm the only foreign teacher they've known, and they are 100% mine. They were really starting to drive me crazy, but they're mine and only mine, so it's hard to pass them on to someone else. As my first class, the one I like to call "Squirrel Kindergarten" left yesterday, telltale tears welled up in my eyes and I looked away, shooing them out before they saw me--because then I would have been DONE.
I try not to gloat. I try not to make it clear just how hard I worked to make these children love me--to be a good teacher, to teach them and help them and do what I thought was right. I try not to tell everyone how hard I worked to keep loving them even though everything around me told me that I shouldn't. Everything around me said: "You are temporary, you don't matter, this is just a business." But I tried my best to make sure that even though that attitude got into me sometimes, that it never corrupted the reason I came into my classes every day. At least my babies. At least for my babies, I felt like I could do the best job I could do.
But there is a big difference between how things were then, and how they are now. The students' parents know me. The students know I can speak Korean, at least a little bit, and that I care about their language. The teachers and the boss trusts me, and even the desk teachers are kind to me. I used to loathe how hard it was. Now I feel proud of the fact that I made it all this way. I dealt with kids with violent learning disabilities, kids with severe ADD, and all kinds strange and wonderful other things. I had virtually no training, and absolutely no warning. I worked hard. And I pulled through, and in the end, I'd say the vast majority of these kids are better off, or at least just not thoroughly damaged. I worked really hard for something positive, and I think I got it.
That said, I am really happy to be turning to the next thing in my life. This was in many ways the hardest thing I have ever done. Luckily, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and after these last few days, I am sure that I have not been killed.
On Saturday, October 1, this blog will become Maggie Cube Goes to India! Stay tuned for the next exciting episode....
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
The fall is sweet, cool, and has a holiday feel.
It's now Chuseok break again. Last year for Chuseok, I went to Gonju to see the old Baekje capital. This year I'm staying in my apartment, packing, cleaning, and just relaxing. I leave for India in eleven days.
It's raining now, and it was raining yesterday morning too. I like waking up to the quiet rain, with the windows open and a slightly melancholy, yet calm feeling in the air. You feel insulated and safe in your house, just next to the pitter patter of the rain.
So I've accomplished most of the things that I wrote about accomplishing. I went to Haeinsa, and it was fun. It was kind of an ordeal, since I made the stupid mistake of getting on the wrong train, and thus going halfway to Seoul before switching. (Only in Korea can a simple mistake get you half way across the country in under an hour.) When we finally arrived, the serenity of the mountain, and the absolute isolation of the temple was really welcoming. The temple was much more isolated than most temples I've been to, either because it was Sunday and nobody was there, or just because it really is not a popular place--despite its place on the UNESCO list. We didn't get to see the actual Triptikana, because we arrived too late to go in, but we saw the building where it was housed. (Kind of a disappointment, but two awkward Korean guys had the same reaction, and we took several stiff pictures with them and their request.)
At sunset, the monks came out of their rooms and started an impromptu playing of the temple instruments, in a small pavilion at the bottom of the complex. They played the drums, and rang the huge bell, and gorgeous, calm sounds reverberated over the whole mountain. It was surreally calm and wonderful.
In other recent news, I had my Taekwondo Test on Sunday. It was VERY Korean. We arrived about five minutes after the test began. The judges filed out of the room, nobody payed attention, and then I was rushed by my teachers around the gym, until they found my spot. I was number 46. The last of the adults to test, and also the last one to arrive. It seems as though this test is very rarely undertaken by adults. For the thousands of kids that were there, I was the last of the group of adults--only 46 of us. I was also the only foreigner I saw. Kristen was there, and saw that there was a school with a foreign student, but that he was younger. (Also, the astute observation that--like me--he did not wear the same clothes as the rest of his school. His taekwondo bok said "KAIST" and mine says "Taekwondo", as opposed to the name of my school.)
We sat in lines and waited. When our line was next, we stood up and did jumping jacks. Then we stretched. Then we walked out onto the floor. There were a million other things happening, but it didn't seem too chaotic. I was shaking, I was so scared--I was sure that because I was different all eyes were on me, and I was the last one, the only one in the line in the back. (The test is administered in groups of ten.) We started our first form, form number 8, and I completed it well. Then we had to do number 6, which was the arbitrarily chosen form. (In the test, you don't know what the second form is until you arrived. I was very lucky because 6 was a good one for me.) I did the forms well, according to my teacher. Then we bowed to the judges and walked over to the fighting stage. I was put in a head pad and a chest guard, and then I spared with someone about my age. She kicked hard, and I was too nervous to really lash out. I don't think I did very well at that part, but watching Kristen's video, I see that the two men in front of me were mostly just standing there, so I guess I did alright. Fighting has never been my strong point. I'm too afraid to inflict damage on anyone.
Anyway, then that was it. My kwangjangnim (taekwondo teacher) was suddenly there, took off my pads, and said "Good job! Good job!" and whisked me away. Then we watched his wife do her second black belt test, and that was it!
It was VERY surreal, and nothing like a black belt test at home. I'm not sure if I passed the test or not. They say I'll know soon, but I have no way of knowing either way. Nobody will give me a straight answer, so I have the feeling that it's probably a no go. But maybe they just don't want to say yes or no and then lose face by that being the wrong answer.
That's been my life the past few weeks. I'm relaxing these next few days and packing, cleaning, drawing, and just chilling. It's going to be great. Oh, and probably will go up to a local temple for a while so I can buy some gifts and enjoy the temple atmosphere.
It's raining now, and it was raining yesterday morning too. I like waking up to the quiet rain, with the windows open and a slightly melancholy, yet calm feeling in the air. You feel insulated and safe in your house, just next to the pitter patter of the rain.
So I've accomplished most of the things that I wrote about accomplishing. I went to Haeinsa, and it was fun. It was kind of an ordeal, since I made the stupid mistake of getting on the wrong train, and thus going halfway to Seoul before switching. (Only in Korea can a simple mistake get you half way across the country in under an hour.) When we finally arrived, the serenity of the mountain, and the absolute isolation of the temple was really welcoming. The temple was much more isolated than most temples I've been to, either because it was Sunday and nobody was there, or just because it really is not a popular place--despite its place on the UNESCO list. We didn't get to see the actual Triptikana, because we arrived too late to go in, but we saw the building where it was housed. (Kind of a disappointment, but two awkward Korean guys had the same reaction, and we took several stiff pictures with them and their request.)
At sunset, the monks came out of their rooms and started an impromptu playing of the temple instruments, in a small pavilion at the bottom of the complex. They played the drums, and rang the huge bell, and gorgeous, calm sounds reverberated over the whole mountain. It was surreally calm and wonderful.
In other recent news, I had my Taekwondo Test on Sunday. It was VERY Korean. We arrived about five minutes after the test began. The judges filed out of the room, nobody payed attention, and then I was rushed by my teachers around the gym, until they found my spot. I was number 46. The last of the adults to test, and also the last one to arrive. It seems as though this test is very rarely undertaken by adults. For the thousands of kids that were there, I was the last of the group of adults--only 46 of us. I was also the only foreigner I saw. Kristen was there, and saw that there was a school with a foreign student, but that he was younger. (Also, the astute observation that--like me--he did not wear the same clothes as the rest of his school. His taekwondo bok said "KAIST" and mine says "Taekwondo", as opposed to the name of my school.)
We sat in lines and waited. When our line was next, we stood up and did jumping jacks. Then we stretched. Then we walked out onto the floor. There were a million other things happening, but it didn't seem too chaotic. I was shaking, I was so scared--I was sure that because I was different all eyes were on me, and I was the last one, the only one in the line in the back. (The test is administered in groups of ten.) We started our first form, form number 8, and I completed it well. Then we had to do number 6, which was the arbitrarily chosen form. (In the test, you don't know what the second form is until you arrived. I was very lucky because 6 was a good one for me.) I did the forms well, according to my teacher. Then we bowed to the judges and walked over to the fighting stage. I was put in a head pad and a chest guard, and then I spared with someone about my age. She kicked hard, and I was too nervous to really lash out. I don't think I did very well at that part, but watching Kristen's video, I see that the two men in front of me were mostly just standing there, so I guess I did alright. Fighting has never been my strong point. I'm too afraid to inflict damage on anyone.
Anyway, then that was it. My kwangjangnim (taekwondo teacher) was suddenly there, took off my pads, and said "Good job! Good job!" and whisked me away. Then we watched his wife do her second black belt test, and that was it!
It was VERY surreal, and nothing like a black belt test at home. I'm not sure if I passed the test or not. They say I'll know soon, but I have no way of knowing either way. Nobody will give me a straight answer, so I have the feeling that it's probably a no go. But maybe they just don't want to say yes or no and then lose face by that being the wrong answer.
That's been my life the past few weeks. I'm relaxing these next few days and packing, cleaning, drawing, and just chilling. It's going to be great. Oh, and probably will go up to a local temple for a while so I can buy some gifts and enjoy the temple atmosphere.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
I have twenty four days left in Korea.
And I have some major goals to achieve.
1. Black Belt Test, September 19
Some of my students will be there, and that's going to be pretty funny. They're also testing, because it's a nation-wide test date, and all the schools with students qualifying with be there. I'm super nervous. I'm really not that good, and I'm going to stand out like a sore thumb, watching people who I probably don't know.
2. Visit Haeinsa Temple
I wanted to do a full out Temple Stay at Haeinsa, but it looks like that won't be possible now--especially with my rigorous Taekwondo training schedule. (Training/playing, I must admit.) So I'm visiting the temple this weekend, hopefully getting in on Temple Stay, but otherwise, I'll just get a cheap hotel, or make it a day trip. We'll see.
3. Have a few really good Jjimjilbang nights.
My favorite Jjimjilbang has been closed for quite some time, but I'm looking forward to its triumphant return with a new set of saunas. I really hope that includes a new set of massage chairs--but the same set of people, who don't complain or look at me funny when I use them. I want to go to Daejeon's popular Rodeo Town spa, which is where doctor fish come around and eat the dead skin off your feet. Hopefully will be encountering that strange phenomenon tomorrow with Kristen.
4. Have a smashing good going away party.
Tentatively planned for Saturday the 25th, so all of you who I know and are on this list should keep it in mind. The plan is to eat at TGI Fridays, so that I can get some serious American food into me before I go to India and eat nothing but vegetarian for quite a while.
I'll be planning snack and pizza parties for my students, and making them little cards... that process is going to be Chuseok, probably. Then the last week I'll be training the new teacher. It seems like the year itself has flown by, but each day and each month has been really slow. I've got both my suitcases sitting out open right now, so that I can put things in them for donation and potentially mailing home. The donation one is full, but the mailing home is mostly full of winter things. Now that it's almost two AM, and I've spent the whole night playing Civ 4, I feel a weird desire to do this kind of organization.
1. Black Belt Test, September 19
Some of my students will be there, and that's going to be pretty funny. They're also testing, because it's a nation-wide test date, and all the schools with students qualifying with be there. I'm super nervous. I'm really not that good, and I'm going to stand out like a sore thumb, watching people who I probably don't know.
2. Visit Haeinsa Temple
I wanted to do a full out Temple Stay at Haeinsa, but it looks like that won't be possible now--especially with my rigorous Taekwondo training schedule. (Training/playing, I must admit.) So I'm visiting the temple this weekend, hopefully getting in on Temple Stay, but otherwise, I'll just get a cheap hotel, or make it a day trip. We'll see.
3. Have a few really good Jjimjilbang nights.
My favorite Jjimjilbang has been closed for quite some time, but I'm looking forward to its triumphant return with a new set of saunas. I really hope that includes a new set of massage chairs--but the same set of people, who don't complain or look at me funny when I use them. I want to go to Daejeon's popular Rodeo Town spa, which is where doctor fish come around and eat the dead skin off your feet. Hopefully will be encountering that strange phenomenon tomorrow with Kristen.
4. Have a smashing good going away party.
Tentatively planned for Saturday the 25th, so all of you who I know and are on this list should keep it in mind. The plan is to eat at TGI Fridays, so that I can get some serious American food into me before I go to India and eat nothing but vegetarian for quite a while.
I'll be planning snack and pizza parties for my students, and making them little cards... that process is going to be Chuseok, probably. Then the last week I'll be training the new teacher. It seems like the year itself has flown by, but each day and each month has been really slow. I've got both my suitcases sitting out open right now, so that I can put things in them for donation and potentially mailing home. The donation one is full, but the mailing home is mostly full of winter things. Now that it's almost two AM, and I've spent the whole night playing Civ 4, I feel a weird desire to do this kind of organization.
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