Last night somebody appears to have logged into my email and sent everyone on my list messages about an insurance company--in very bad English. The account was open somewhere in Kyonggi-do, Seoul (according to google, when I found the IP address.)
Anyway... if you get a message from me that says "Dear Friend", ignore it. Besides, you know my English is much better than that.
I changed my password, but I don't remember ever logging into my email in Kyonggi-do, Seoul... unless it was inadvertently on my ipod. Anyway other than that I don't know what to do, and I don't really know how to get in touch with google about it.
I also couldn't sleep at all last night... and had an awkward sober night at the drunkest bar in Daejeon. Good day, weird night, and I'm not ready to go back to work tomorrow. Especially because I have the class with the crazy kid.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
And, one more time, when it rains, it pours.
I did the ultimate of stupid things yesterday, which has really impacted me and I feel... well actually I feel mostly okay, but I'm waiting for it to settle in. I might still be a little bit in shock.
I destroyed my sketchbook.
Not on purpose. Of course. I carried it to work because I wanted to draw on my break. But after work, I put my drinking bottle into my bag. The bottle is American, air tight--or at least it used to be. I should have known before that it was leaking... but I just put it in anyway and... then went home. I didn't even notice that the bottle was empty until I went to get my phone out of my bag some 15 minutes after getting home.
And lo and behold, the tea was everywhere... in my bag, on my sketchbook, on my journal... everything. So I got out the hairdryer and started to do some damage control. I cut all the marker art out of the book and laid them flat on the heated floor, which dried them very quickly. Luckily, the paper I used was superb, and the ink didn't run. I was really lucky for that... except there was one ink that I used, on a different piece.. a notecard that I had taped in, that bled into a number of the earlier drawings. Dark Sun and the City is pretty ruined. Luckily, though, that was the only one significantly ruined that I liked. The other ones were not favorites, and the ones that were ruined were all ones that I had good, quality scans of.
Anyway.. now I'm thinking about how I can press them so that the ruffles go away. I'm really disappointed in myself for being so clumsy... and well, it means that I'm going to start trying to take better care of my things. (But as I say this my apartment is still a trainwreck of dirty.)
And it's still dirty beecaaause... instead of cleaning, today I had a fun and interesting engagement.
Someone contacted my recruiter friend about finding someone to draw something on a window. Since they had just figured out that I drew (and seen my undestroyed sketchbook) they asked me if I wanted to do it. I was hesitant at first, but agreeing to do it was a hugely great idea. I spent all day today drawing trotros and curvey buildings all over an interior designers office. And they liked my trotros!
I'm going back tomorrow to finish, and they said that someone else also might want me to do it for a coffee shop. I had a lot of fun--and I was definitely also attracting a crowd. "Oh someone's drawing on that window... cool--oh, oh my god, it's a foreigner!" It made me feel good. "Yes, foreigners have talent--and are capable of doing more things than drinking and hating on Korea." Proud to represent my foreigner status! Woot!
I liked the building where the place was located too. At first I thought it was just an apartment, but it was a little bit like an indoor market/walkway. It didn't feel 'sterilized' like Noeun or so much of Korea's commercial areas. This definitely felt like a place where people lived and worked, and it had the haphazard feel of something a little less simple. They were happy to have me there and I was happy to share my talent.
Anyway... one terrible thing and one good one. Now I'm going to go clean and try to remove the chronic clumsiness from my character. ^^;
I destroyed my sketchbook.
Not on purpose. Of course. I carried it to work because I wanted to draw on my break. But after work, I put my drinking bottle into my bag. The bottle is American, air tight--or at least it used to be. I should have known before that it was leaking... but I just put it in anyway and... then went home. I didn't even notice that the bottle was empty until I went to get my phone out of my bag some 15 minutes after getting home.
And lo and behold, the tea was everywhere... in my bag, on my sketchbook, on my journal... everything. So I got out the hairdryer and started to do some damage control. I cut all the marker art out of the book and laid them flat on the heated floor, which dried them very quickly. Luckily, the paper I used was superb, and the ink didn't run. I was really lucky for that... except there was one ink that I used, on a different piece.. a notecard that I had taped in, that bled into a number of the earlier drawings. Dark Sun and the City is pretty ruined. Luckily, though, that was the only one significantly ruined that I liked. The other ones were not favorites, and the ones that were ruined were all ones that I had good, quality scans of.
Anyway.. now I'm thinking about how I can press them so that the ruffles go away. I'm really disappointed in myself for being so clumsy... and well, it means that I'm going to start trying to take better care of my things. (But as I say this my apartment is still a trainwreck of dirty.)
And it's still dirty beecaaause... instead of cleaning, today I had a fun and interesting engagement.
Someone contacted my recruiter friend about finding someone to draw something on a window. Since they had just figured out that I drew (and seen my undestroyed sketchbook) they asked me if I wanted to do it. I was hesitant at first, but agreeing to do it was a hugely great idea. I spent all day today drawing trotros and curvey buildings all over an interior designers office. And they liked my trotros!
I'm going back tomorrow to finish, and they said that someone else also might want me to do it for a coffee shop. I had a lot of fun--and I was definitely also attracting a crowd. "Oh someone's drawing on that window... cool--oh, oh my god, it's a foreigner!" It made me feel good. "Yes, foreigners have talent--and are capable of doing more things than drinking and hating on Korea." Proud to represent my foreigner status! Woot!
I liked the building where the place was located too. At first I thought it was just an apartment, but it was a little bit like an indoor market/walkway. It didn't feel 'sterilized' like Noeun or so much of Korea's commercial areas. This definitely felt like a place where people lived and worked, and it had the haphazard feel of something a little less simple. They were happy to have me there and I was happy to share my talent.
Anyway... one terrible thing and one good one. Now I'm going to go clean and try to remove the chronic clumsiness from my character. ^^;
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Well, it's Friday, and I feel decent.
Except that I have to go to the dentist today, which I 100% do NOT want to do. But that's okay, I guess I'll just get through it.
My kids were so sweet yesterday. My Thursday kids are just great.. they see me twice a week, so I have a chance to actually have a relationship with them, so it's easier to control them, and it's easier to care about them.
My first class of the day is my E3 girls, who are the highest level that the school has to offer. They are going to high school in a month, and they are going to go away (;.;) but for now we have a lot of fun. I plan their classes, I teach all the material, and they are MY students. When they go, I want to give them something nice... so I need to find out when their last day is.
My second class on TR is my favorite class of little ones. They love to learn, and they're good at it. I know most of their Korean names, and they are amazingly well behaved. One student has this epic name like Hawk, and he has huge round glasses and a huge round face, that is so expressive and full of happiness. One of the little girls, who doesn't have an English name, made me a card for Christmas that is still on my desk mirror. Her English is excellent and she's just a bundle of love too. Then there's another boy (also no English name) who just has the best most excited face. He just looks like everything he sees is awesome and interesting. They are just the absolute greatest. One student in the class is kind of a problem because he refuses to do anything... but I think it's because he feels left out, since he was gone for a month and then when he came back, the class and I had bonded, you know? The Korean teacher says he's kind of slow. Who knows.
Anyway, this adorable class did a story yesterday that was when the evil guy and the good guy had a fight about good winning over evil... and they were so excited to act it out. It was just SO cute. 12 kinds of adorable, with them making their evil voices and acting like dying evil creatures, hahaha. They really enjoyed it. And the best part, was that on the folder, where it says "this is what you do", I actually marked an X over the Q/A portion, and then went to Sue Teacher and said "we didn't do this because they wanted to act" and she SMILED and said "oh okay!" instead of chewing me out for not doing the right thing. Happy Maggie!
In my last class of the day, I had five girls who were having uncontrollable giggle fits the moment they walked in. The entire class they were drawing pictures of me and then showing me "Teacher!! It is YOU!" These are the students that just love life, and when I'm with them, it makes me feel a lot better, because it seems like there IS some love in this place.
Anyway... I figured something out. I was wondering about 'mission' and 'charity' and what good I possibly could be doing here. For a long time, I'd felt like I'd been hired to make the children repeat useless crap to pass a useless test. But after everything, I'm realizing that the point is not to please the other coteachers. The point is to please the kids--and to feel fulfilled doing my job. In an undeveloped place, the mission can be clear, because it's obvious that you need to assist with food, water, clean this and that. I was thinking about how much love seemed to be in places that lacked development, and then it struck me that I always said that I didn't feel like there was much love here. So the mission is reversed, I suppose. My job here isn't to fit a mold, but to nurture the kids who can foster love--nurture the personalities that are creative and excitable and engaged, because I don't know who else will.
That's making me feel better at least. I don't have to cater to the coteachers, or be competent in the same way that they are. I can't. Nor do I have to "cover my ass" by teaching like a robot. And if they have a problem and fire me for it, so be it. Considering how they seem to fire people, it seems like I would just land myself in a better job anyway. ^^;
My kids were so sweet yesterday. My Thursday kids are just great.. they see me twice a week, so I have a chance to actually have a relationship with them, so it's easier to control them, and it's easier to care about them.
My first class of the day is my E3 girls, who are the highest level that the school has to offer. They are going to high school in a month, and they are going to go away (;.;) but for now we have a lot of fun. I plan their classes, I teach all the material, and they are MY students. When they go, I want to give them something nice... so I need to find out when their last day is.
My second class on TR is my favorite class of little ones. They love to learn, and they're good at it. I know most of their Korean names, and they are amazingly well behaved. One student has this epic name like Hawk, and he has huge round glasses and a huge round face, that is so expressive and full of happiness. One of the little girls, who doesn't have an English name, made me a card for Christmas that is still on my desk mirror. Her English is excellent and she's just a bundle of love too. Then there's another boy (also no English name) who just has the best most excited face. He just looks like everything he sees is awesome and interesting. They are just the absolute greatest. One student in the class is kind of a problem because he refuses to do anything... but I think it's because he feels left out, since he was gone for a month and then when he came back, the class and I had bonded, you know? The Korean teacher says he's kind of slow. Who knows.
Anyway, this adorable class did a story yesterday that was when the evil guy and the good guy had a fight about good winning over evil... and they were so excited to act it out. It was just SO cute. 12 kinds of adorable, with them making their evil voices and acting like dying evil creatures, hahaha. They really enjoyed it. And the best part, was that on the folder, where it says "this is what you do", I actually marked an X over the Q/A portion, and then went to Sue Teacher and said "we didn't do this because they wanted to act" and she SMILED and said "oh okay!" instead of chewing me out for not doing the right thing. Happy Maggie!
In my last class of the day, I had five girls who were having uncontrollable giggle fits the moment they walked in. The entire class they were drawing pictures of me and then showing me "Teacher!! It is YOU!" These are the students that just love life, and when I'm with them, it makes me feel a lot better, because it seems like there IS some love in this place.
Anyway... I figured something out. I was wondering about 'mission' and 'charity' and what good I possibly could be doing here. For a long time, I'd felt like I'd been hired to make the children repeat useless crap to pass a useless test. But after everything, I'm realizing that the point is not to please the other coteachers. The point is to please the kids--and to feel fulfilled doing my job. In an undeveloped place, the mission can be clear, because it's obvious that you need to assist with food, water, clean this and that. I was thinking about how much love seemed to be in places that lacked development, and then it struck me that I always said that I didn't feel like there was much love here. So the mission is reversed, I suppose. My job here isn't to fit a mold, but to nurture the kids who can foster love--nurture the personalities that are creative and excitable and engaged, because I don't know who else will.
That's making me feel better at least. I don't have to cater to the coteachers, or be competent in the same way that they are. I can't. Nor do I have to "cover my ass" by teaching like a robot. And if they have a problem and fire me for it, so be it. Considering how they seem to fire people, it seems like I would just land myself in a better job anyway. ^^;
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Well, the timebomb appears to have been released.
For those of you who don't know (and I can't imagine anyone who DOESN'T, considering how much I complain about this), I have a crazy tooth in the back of my mouth. When the tooth first came in, it had a "bubble" in it, or an uninfected cavity. They peeled back the skin to fill it before the tooth even arrived in my mouth.
Then after I switched dentists, before Ghana, the adult dentist said "that is a temporary crown, which is a ticking time bomb, and you absolutely can't go to Africa like that. But if we put a new one on, it might fall off at any time."
Then before I came to Korea, switching dentists again, this one said: "That new crown doesn't fit, you should have that fixed." The insurance appraised it at 1,000 dollars out of pocket, so I said "Hell no."
The past few days, my jaw and ear canal have been killing me. I wake up with this terrible ache that feels like there's a hole in my tooth. And that something under the crown (yeah the one that 'doesn't fit') is missing. I can't chew, I can't open my mouth all the way. When it started, I was really hoping it was an ear problem from my receding cold. But this morning I'm basically convinced that it's the tooth again. (And the bile taste is kind of driving me nuts.)
So I need to find somebody to yank it out. Preferably somebody who speaks English. And isn't going to charge me a lot. Because I don't have dental insurance, and I don't really think that my insurance is reliable anyway... (since it's American travel insurance, haha, OF COURSE). So I'm basically convinced that I'll need to pay out of pocket.
But it's not just the money that I'm irked about. It's just... the dentist. Is scary. And I don't want to go. And I have to have this thing pulled because it's only a money magnet and I'm just tired of it. Plus,it's not like I chew on it anyway, because it's been too fragile to do so for YEARS.
When it rains it pours. Welcome to being an adult, I guess. Can't just run home and say "Mommie, fix it."
Then after I switched dentists, before Ghana, the adult dentist said "that is a temporary crown, which is a ticking time bomb, and you absolutely can't go to Africa like that. But if we put a new one on, it might fall off at any time."
Then before I came to Korea, switching dentists again, this one said: "That new crown doesn't fit, you should have that fixed." The insurance appraised it at 1,000 dollars out of pocket, so I said "Hell no."
The past few days, my jaw and ear canal have been killing me. I wake up with this terrible ache that feels like there's a hole in my tooth. And that something under the crown (yeah the one that 'doesn't fit') is missing. I can't chew, I can't open my mouth all the way. When it started, I was really hoping it was an ear problem from my receding cold. But this morning I'm basically convinced that it's the tooth again. (And the bile taste is kind of driving me nuts.)
So I need to find somebody to yank it out. Preferably somebody who speaks English. And isn't going to charge me a lot. Because I don't have dental insurance, and I don't really think that my insurance is reliable anyway... (since it's American travel insurance, haha, OF COURSE). So I'm basically convinced that I'll need to pay out of pocket.
But it's not just the money that I'm irked about. It's just... the dentist. Is scary. And I don't want to go. And I have to have this thing pulled because it's only a money magnet and I'm just tired of it. Plus,it's not like I chew on it anyway, because it's been too fragile to do so for YEARS.
When it rains it pours. Welcome to being an adult, I guess. Can't just run home and say "Mommie, fix it."
The good news is...
They're probably going to ask the boy with the anger issues to quit.
The bad news is... well. Still lookin for something to make me feel like I have a soul. But you guys are supportive, and it makes me feel better. Thanks.
And I'm still trying to study Korean vocabulary, which is slow at best.
The bad news is... well. Still lookin for something to make me feel like I have a soul. But you guys are supportive, and it makes me feel better. Thanks.
And I'm still trying to study Korean vocabulary, which is slow at best.
Monday, January 25, 2010
It nags at you after so long.
Everything becomes just one step away from the last straw. But the last straw is never clearly defined, and you know deep down that there never will be one, because all you're doing is holding on and holding on.
I have to admit that these days I am struggling. I rarely update because I rarely have anything to say. I've stopped looking for things that I want to write about, and I have tried to suppress the things that make it too hard. I don't tell my friends things. I don't even tell myself things. I hide certain feelings because they don't fit with what I want. But then hiding those feelings starts to block out what I want, and I forgot what I wanted in the first place--or maybe why it was right to want it.
Today in class I had a child who refused to do his work. There are two students in the class, both young boys--both late by ten minutes, and both thoroughly ignoring me. It was torture to get through the hour. But at the last five minutes of class, one student refuses to do his work. So I tell him he's not leaving until the words are written two times--and I don't care how many times he says "one time, teacher", it's not going to change.
So the other student says something rude to him in Korean. And the child goes off. Jumps out of his desk. I restrain him. This happens consistently. The bell has already rung. I have 4 minutes to get my materials and get to the next class. I don't want to fight with this child. I tell the other one to leave. But the kid is crying and trying to get past me. Driving his skull into my stomach. And I've got him by the coat, then he's running out the door and I'm trying to keep him from leaving in the crush of students--and I ask one of the other English teachers to help. But she just gives me this "wtf" look. "Well who is his homeroom teacher?" ... "Carrie--Kim--" "Well then ask them."
Kim comes out of the room and I explain it to her and the child is gone. Next thing I know there is screaming and crying in the hall and the child has a pencil, and Kim is DRAGGING him somewhere, and John's got him, and then he's swinging the pencil at the other kids.
And ten minutes later, someone thinks it's appropriate to tell me that the child has severe anger problems and is medicated--but he apparently didn't take it today. And oh, this isn't the first time this has happened.
Wow. I would have loved to know that BEFORE I walked into that class. And before you put me in front of two boys who don't speak my language, who could kill each other any minute, and made ME responsible.
It's days like these where I just can't deal. And I feel like I'm a terrible teacher. And I can't do this. And I shouldn't even be allowed to do this because I'm not good enough for these kids. I'm not teacher material. I just don't have the patience. Or the support. Or the respect. Even from the other American teacher--not that that would mean much.
These children just walk all over me. And they know I don't care enough. They know I don't know their real names. They know I don't speak their language. The older ones know that by the time I get to their classes (the last two) that I'm so tired that I don't know who is who and that I read sentences differently, and tell them that there are mistakes in the book when there aren't.
Today I taught a story about Mother Teresa, and I felt like there was such a hole in me... it was describing all about how she wanted to help the poor, and God this and God that, and I suddenly realized that I used to care about that, and what to be that kind of person, but now I just feel broken and not good enough. And I hate myself for it because I know if I want to be a person THAT good, I wouldn't feel broken right now--and every difficulty would just be a challenge that would help people. And no matter how hard it was, I would still know that I was doing the right thing...
But I don't. And I don't think I am doing the right thing. In fact I think I'm just a superficial part of the epic band aid that seems to cover up this country's deep, deep wound.
Doesn't matter how many hagwons or identical highrises there are, or how many games your handphone has, or whether or not you can afford to give one to your four year old, or how many lame sculpture parks there are on Jeju Island. Surface crap can't fix the way the dark seems to leak the wounds. Who knows if it's the collective unhappiness of all these apartment dwellers and hagwon goers, or if it's history. Probably both.
Some people make me happy though, because they help me get steps closer to figuring out what is actually under the surface.
I have to admit that these days I am struggling. I rarely update because I rarely have anything to say. I've stopped looking for things that I want to write about, and I have tried to suppress the things that make it too hard. I don't tell my friends things. I don't even tell myself things. I hide certain feelings because they don't fit with what I want. But then hiding those feelings starts to block out what I want, and I forgot what I wanted in the first place--or maybe why it was right to want it.
Today in class I had a child who refused to do his work. There are two students in the class, both young boys--both late by ten minutes, and both thoroughly ignoring me. It was torture to get through the hour. But at the last five minutes of class, one student refuses to do his work. So I tell him he's not leaving until the words are written two times--and I don't care how many times he says "one time, teacher", it's not going to change.
So the other student says something rude to him in Korean. And the child goes off. Jumps out of his desk. I restrain him. This happens consistently. The bell has already rung. I have 4 minutes to get my materials and get to the next class. I don't want to fight with this child. I tell the other one to leave. But the kid is crying and trying to get past me. Driving his skull into my stomach. And I've got him by the coat, then he's running out the door and I'm trying to keep him from leaving in the crush of students--and I ask one of the other English teachers to help. But she just gives me this "wtf" look. "Well who is his homeroom teacher?" ... "Carrie--Kim--" "Well then ask them."
Kim comes out of the room and I explain it to her and the child is gone. Next thing I know there is screaming and crying in the hall and the child has a pencil, and Kim is DRAGGING him somewhere, and John's got him, and then he's swinging the pencil at the other kids.
And ten minutes later, someone thinks it's appropriate to tell me that the child has severe anger problems and is medicated--but he apparently didn't take it today. And oh, this isn't the first time this has happened.
Wow. I would have loved to know that BEFORE I walked into that class. And before you put me in front of two boys who don't speak my language, who could kill each other any minute, and made ME responsible.
It's days like these where I just can't deal. And I feel like I'm a terrible teacher. And I can't do this. And I shouldn't even be allowed to do this because I'm not good enough for these kids. I'm not teacher material. I just don't have the patience. Or the support. Or the respect. Even from the other American teacher--not that that would mean much.
These children just walk all over me. And they know I don't care enough. They know I don't know their real names. They know I don't speak their language. The older ones know that by the time I get to their classes (the last two) that I'm so tired that I don't know who is who and that I read sentences differently, and tell them that there are mistakes in the book when there aren't.
Today I taught a story about Mother Teresa, and I felt like there was such a hole in me... it was describing all about how she wanted to help the poor, and God this and God that, and I suddenly realized that I used to care about that, and what to be that kind of person, but now I just feel broken and not good enough. And I hate myself for it because I know if I want to be a person THAT good, I wouldn't feel broken right now--and every difficulty would just be a challenge that would help people. And no matter how hard it was, I would still know that I was doing the right thing...
But I don't. And I don't think I am doing the right thing. In fact I think I'm just a superficial part of the epic band aid that seems to cover up this country's deep, deep wound.
Doesn't matter how many hagwons or identical highrises there are, or how many games your handphone has, or whether or not you can afford to give one to your four year old, or how many lame sculpture parks there are on Jeju Island. Surface crap can't fix the way the dark seems to leak the wounds. Who knows if it's the collective unhappiness of all these apartment dwellers and hagwon goers, or if it's history. Probably both.
Some people make me happy though, because they help me get steps closer to figuring out what is actually under the surface.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
I seriously need to do laundry.
Spent an interesting weekend--and when I say spent, I mean SPENT, because I went shopping and bought SO MUCH that I might have set back my saving plans by weeks. Lord.
But I now have a pair of THE coolest boots on the face of the earth. For less than 40 bucks. And who can beat that, anyhow? I went shopping with Kristen, the girl who works at Avalon down the street from me. She's a lot of fun, and it's great to have a girl around again--especially one that likes to shop, bwaha. But I definitely spent too much too quickly.
I went dancing on Friday night at the 'hiphop' style club in Dunsan-dong called Cocoon. It's an intriguing place... good music, to an extent, but dancing there is slightly awkward. People watch you but don't approach you, and when they do, they're usually 20 years old, and their idea of dancing is basically to just latch onto you like a leech and try to suck the blood out of you. A friend told me that everybody at Cocoon was really young, and I didn't quite believe him (because he's old, haha). But once again, I'm realizing that I might be the 'young' one (at the remarkable age of 22, which apparently is really strange here), but the people on my level are much older--27-28-29. In fact the people that I most enjoy being with are around the 30s range. And while I love having an older group of friends, it's also a testament to how difficult the younger ones can be--like when you go to Cocoon and have awkward boys all over you.
Anyway after spending all Saturday shopping, I went to a birthday party of a friend of a friend over at the KAIST dorms. (And the dorm/apartments are much nicer than mine. Putain.) Failed at playing Korean drinking games, (which was a consumption disaster, I will tell you that), then ended up at--of course--Sponge, where I ran into friends who like to play pool and darts for drinks. All in all, we can say that I got the week's stress out of my system, and then spent all day Sunday at the jjimjilbang recovering.
This jjimjilbang that I went to was great though, they had all kinds of stuff in there. The outside waiting area, where the entrances to the saunas were, had a fake waterfall with little bridges and cars and people. And it was awesome. In the bathing area they had a really hot room with a really cold pool, and I loved that. I met a woman who had lived in DC for five years, and at first I had no idea that she was even Korean. Her English was so good that I thought she was foreign. (Is that a bad assumption?) Anyway I had a great time chilling out, and then I went home and napped.
Things at work have been stressful. Rumor has it that the husband is watching the cameras from the wife's center, and while I've heard nothing about how I am 'misbehaving' or 'not teaching properly', my boss has called up my coworker to tell him super anal things. I'm worried that the hands of corporate Korean hagwon madness are going to start closing on my already dwindling soul. I'm struggling to be a better teacher, but the weight of things is just pressing too hard. Once and a while I just need a little faith. Someone to say--"you're doing okay." or, "You handled this correctly." Instead of this constant silence, thin smiles, and continual avoidance. Or, my least favorite thing, "Maggie, why did you do this?" And it's been five months, so now it's really hard for me to say "I just didn't know." But there are things that I just don't know, because nobody tells me anything. And contrary to popular belief, I don't read minds, and I didn't really have much training, and someone who as worked with a program for 5 months, simply doesn't know the same amount about it as someone who has worked there for five years.
Sigh. At least it's getting warmer.
But I now have a pair of THE coolest boots on the face of the earth. For less than 40 bucks. And who can beat that, anyhow? I went shopping with Kristen, the girl who works at Avalon down the street from me. She's a lot of fun, and it's great to have a girl around again--especially one that likes to shop, bwaha. But I definitely spent too much too quickly.
I went dancing on Friday night at the 'hiphop' style club in Dunsan-dong called Cocoon. It's an intriguing place... good music, to an extent, but dancing there is slightly awkward. People watch you but don't approach you, and when they do, they're usually 20 years old, and their idea of dancing is basically to just latch onto you like a leech and try to suck the blood out of you. A friend told me that everybody at Cocoon was really young, and I didn't quite believe him (because he's old, haha). But once again, I'm realizing that I might be the 'young' one (at the remarkable age of 22, which apparently is really strange here), but the people on my level are much older--27-28-29. In fact the people that I most enjoy being with are around the 30s range. And while I love having an older group of friends, it's also a testament to how difficult the younger ones can be--like when you go to Cocoon and have awkward boys all over you.
Anyway after spending all Saturday shopping, I went to a birthday party of a friend of a friend over at the KAIST dorms. (And the dorm/apartments are much nicer than mine. Putain.) Failed at playing Korean drinking games, (which was a consumption disaster, I will tell you that), then ended up at--of course--Sponge, where I ran into friends who like to play pool and darts for drinks. All in all, we can say that I got the week's stress out of my system, and then spent all day Sunday at the jjimjilbang recovering.
This jjimjilbang that I went to was great though, they had all kinds of stuff in there. The outside waiting area, where the entrances to the saunas were, had a fake waterfall with little bridges and cars and people. And it was awesome. In the bathing area they had a really hot room with a really cold pool, and I loved that. I met a woman who had lived in DC for five years, and at first I had no idea that she was even Korean. Her English was so good that I thought she was foreign. (Is that a bad assumption?) Anyway I had a great time chilling out, and then I went home and napped.
Things at work have been stressful. Rumor has it that the husband is watching the cameras from the wife's center, and while I've heard nothing about how I am 'misbehaving' or 'not teaching properly', my boss has called up my coworker to tell him super anal things. I'm worried that the hands of corporate Korean hagwon madness are going to start closing on my already dwindling soul. I'm struggling to be a better teacher, but the weight of things is just pressing too hard. Once and a while I just need a little faith. Someone to say--"you're doing okay." or, "You handled this correctly." Instead of this constant silence, thin smiles, and continual avoidance. Or, my least favorite thing, "Maggie, why did you do this?" And it's been five months, so now it's really hard for me to say "I just didn't know." But there are things that I just don't know, because nobody tells me anything. And contrary to popular belief, I don't read minds, and I didn't really have much training, and someone who as worked with a program for 5 months, simply doesn't know the same amount about it as someone who has worked there for five years.
Sigh. At least it's getting warmer.
Monday, January 18, 2010
It's getting a little warmer, and I just keep hoping that it'll stay that way.
The ice on the streets is melting, so I might take my bike to work tomorrow. I've been down with a pretty miserable cold the past five days or so. I actually was teaching some classes on Thursday and Friday with no voice. That was real bad. Now I'm just coughing up my life every time somebody makes me laugh.
Thus, because of the sick, this weekend was really uneventful. But I've been practicing some Korean vocabulary, conjugation as best I can, and watching my favorite shows--Private Practice, Greys Anatomy, Castle. They're back from the long grave that is the "Holidays", which drives me nuts. The last thing everybody wants on the Holidays is to have their favorite shows disappear. Boo!
Anyway, now I'm eating Campbells Chicken Noodle and whistfully thinking about green, dancing trees on Minnehaha Avenue. I've been trying not to think about the relaxing summer days in my apartment, right after graduation, when the most I had to do was wander over to the park and read a book--and then occasionally go into work. I really miss the flowy green trees. Sigh. Then again I miss them every winter. Little home things just get to me every once and a while. Little things that you don't think about. Like trees, and the sound of the wind in them.
On a different note, today my Taekwondo teachers gave me food with a completely new twist. It was a creamy white soup, and I asked what it was. She replied "It is... ah, Cow Spawn soup!" .... I took this statement in stride, because I KNEW that it couldn't be true. There's no way. So I just tried to memorize the word she gave me in Korean, which was something like kong-guk, but I don't remember too well. They put some salt and pepper and onions in it.... and then we ate it with rice and it was pretty bland. (So I stuffed tons of kimchi in it.)
At work I asked a teacher friend if she understood what it was, and I asked her "this is what I thought she said..." and she replied "Yeah I have no idea, because we don't eat that..." Anyway it was one of the weirder things that has happened to me here so far. But now I'm going to be trying to figure out how anyone mistranslated something into COW SPAWN. (Especially when the soup itself tasted nothing like any kind of meat.) I was thinking it was some kind of milk soup.
Anyway. Who knows. Weird story for the day/week.
Thus, because of the sick, this weekend was really uneventful. But I've been practicing some Korean vocabulary, conjugation as best I can, and watching my favorite shows--Private Practice, Greys Anatomy, Castle. They're back from the long grave that is the "Holidays", which drives me nuts. The last thing everybody wants on the Holidays is to have their favorite shows disappear. Boo!
Anyway, now I'm eating Campbells Chicken Noodle and whistfully thinking about green, dancing trees on Minnehaha Avenue. I've been trying not to think about the relaxing summer days in my apartment, right after graduation, when the most I had to do was wander over to the park and read a book--and then occasionally go into work. I really miss the flowy green trees. Sigh. Then again I miss them every winter. Little home things just get to me every once and a while. Little things that you don't think about. Like trees, and the sound of the wind in them.
On a different note, today my Taekwondo teachers gave me food with a completely new twist. It was a creamy white soup, and I asked what it was. She replied "It is... ah, Cow Spawn soup!" .... I took this statement in stride, because I KNEW that it couldn't be true. There's no way. So I just tried to memorize the word she gave me in Korean, which was something like kong-guk, but I don't remember too well. They put some salt and pepper and onions in it.... and then we ate it with rice and it was pretty bland. (So I stuffed tons of kimchi in it.)
At work I asked a teacher friend if she understood what it was, and I asked her "this is what I thought she said..." and she replied "Yeah I have no idea, because we don't eat that..." Anyway it was one of the weirder things that has happened to me here so far. But now I'm going to be trying to figure out how anyone mistranslated something into COW SPAWN. (Especially when the soup itself tasted nothing like any kind of meat.) I was thinking it was some kind of milk soup.
Anyway. Who knows. Weird story for the day/week.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Sigh.
These days I wonder what I'm doing here, and like always, I say: "Shouldn't I just ditch all this and go to art school?" Or writing school... or whatever. I always get in this mood in the winter, or when I'm unhappy with my current job choice, or if I feel like things are too hard. But for sure even if I did just "ditch reality" and go to art school, in the winter, I would hate art school, and then say "Can't I just ditch this and go back to studying religion?"
Sigh. What a dilemma. Either way, I really need to get on the ball with this career business. If I'm going to get a masters, I should probably figure out what it's going to be IN, shouldn't I?
Though I guess I can't rush it. That's why I came out here in the first place. But sometimes I feel like my brain is rotting a bit. Atrophy. Ugh. Or something like that.
My students made me really angry yesterday, but I think I should be okay afterwards. My Monday classes have almost all the troublemakers in them, so after Monday I'm free, you know? But hooo, they put some students together that REALLY should not be together. They were really good last week, because they didn't know each other yet... but now they're progressing back to the "little devil" stage. Blah. I think I was actually dreaming about holding a baby last night... I really want some quality little-person snuggle time.
Anyway. Here we go.
Sigh. What a dilemma. Either way, I really need to get on the ball with this career business. If I'm going to get a masters, I should probably figure out what it's going to be IN, shouldn't I?
Though I guess I can't rush it. That's why I came out here in the first place. But sometimes I feel like my brain is rotting a bit. Atrophy. Ugh. Or something like that.
My students made me really angry yesterday, but I think I should be okay afterwards. My Monday classes have almost all the troublemakers in them, so after Monday I'm free, you know? But hooo, they put some students together that REALLY should not be together. They were really good last week, because they didn't know each other yet... but now they're progressing back to the "little devil" stage. Blah. I think I was actually dreaming about holding a baby last night... I really want some quality little-person snuggle time.
Anyway. Here we go.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Partying in Daejeon is so hardcore that it breaks heels.
This week was a long one. I slugged through it with a lot of grumpiness. It wasn't a particularly bad week, and in fact my new classes look as though they are going to be much better than my old ones. Lots of sweet little girls, adorable little boys, and not too many trouble makers.
On Monday I had a class of kids who were BRAND NEW to the hagwon. Never studied English before. Absolutely silent. I gave them names and everything. It felt so good. They are adorable. Excited. Very ready to study. They're for sure going to brighten up my day tomorrow. I think this week was tough because I was grumpy and everything was new, but as soon as I get used to this new schedule, I think I am going to like it a lot. I almost never have classes in the rooms across the hall, which means I don't have to be on my toes, running from class to class quite so much. And I'm in the same room three periods in a row on TR. That's really nice.
Anyway, we're back into the week-to-week routine. Now that I've been here for a good four months, things are pretty settled. I'm starting to make a lot of interesting friends, older people who aren't really leaving. That feels good because I feel some sort of stability, and we have some great conversations. Last night, I went to a party that a couple friends were hosting to celebrate the opening of their recruiting company. They let me use their SCANNER, which means that I have more drawings to share soon. I'll save it for later, because the topic of this post is partying it up in Daejeon.
So there is the foreigner bar in Dunsan-dong, which is the "New Downtown". Daejeon has two downtowns, Eunheng-dong, the old downtown on the far East of the city, and Dunsan-dong, where the shiney new shopping and government districts are, which is in the middle of the city. Thus, people on the west side of the city stick mostly to Dunsan-dong--or start in Dunsan and then move over to Eunheng. The meeting spot is "Sponge Bar" (I don't know why it's called Sponge, but it's just a fact of life so you don't really even think it's funny after a week or so.) Sponge is where everybody goes on Fridays and Saturdays, and it's got a couple dart boards and a pool table. It's a great place to chill, and occasionally it turns into a dance party. But, really, if you want to dance you should go to old downtown, or to the nightclubs next door to Sponge, which my friends and I rarely go to because they charge cover. (Lame.)
Last night, anyhow, after the party we went to Sponge. And while I was making a fool out of myself playing darts (after one and a half long islands, darts are a bad idea), I leaned back on the bar and on my heel and.... snap. It had broken OFF. And this isn't a stiletto, mind you, this is a big, chunky heel--with four nails in it! Apparently I am just too cool for the shoes. Or I danced in them too much. And rode my bike in them too much. Or because they were 20 bucks.
Anyway, my friend Jim went and bought super glue at the convenience store under the bar, glued it back together, which was sort of successful, and then I stood on one foot for most of the night. But for a while I just took them off and was running around the bar in my stocking feet. And Becca says to me "You realize that you're barefoot in a bar, don't you?" and I wanted to say "Ah... you guys just don't know me, do you?!"
As soon as it's warm enough I'm totally taking off my shoes for good, haha. Anyway... now I'm off to E-Mart in Wolpyeong (because it's snowy so I can't ride my bike to Homeplus), so that I can do my grocery shopping and other various necessities. Woot.
On Monday I had a class of kids who were BRAND NEW to the hagwon. Never studied English before. Absolutely silent. I gave them names and everything. It felt so good. They are adorable. Excited. Very ready to study. They're for sure going to brighten up my day tomorrow. I think this week was tough because I was grumpy and everything was new, but as soon as I get used to this new schedule, I think I am going to like it a lot. I almost never have classes in the rooms across the hall, which means I don't have to be on my toes, running from class to class quite so much. And I'm in the same room three periods in a row on TR. That's really nice.
Anyway, we're back into the week-to-week routine. Now that I've been here for a good four months, things are pretty settled. I'm starting to make a lot of interesting friends, older people who aren't really leaving. That feels good because I feel some sort of stability, and we have some great conversations. Last night, I went to a party that a couple friends were hosting to celebrate the opening of their recruiting company. They let me use their SCANNER, which means that I have more drawings to share soon. I'll save it for later, because the topic of this post is partying it up in Daejeon.
So there is the foreigner bar in Dunsan-dong, which is the "New Downtown". Daejeon has two downtowns, Eunheng-dong, the old downtown on the far East of the city, and Dunsan-dong, where the shiney new shopping and government districts are, which is in the middle of the city. Thus, people on the west side of the city stick mostly to Dunsan-dong--or start in Dunsan and then move over to Eunheng. The meeting spot is "Sponge Bar" (I don't know why it's called Sponge, but it's just a fact of life so you don't really even think it's funny after a week or so.) Sponge is where everybody goes on Fridays and Saturdays, and it's got a couple dart boards and a pool table. It's a great place to chill, and occasionally it turns into a dance party. But, really, if you want to dance you should go to old downtown, or to the nightclubs next door to Sponge, which my friends and I rarely go to because they charge cover. (Lame.)
Last night, anyhow, after the party we went to Sponge. And while I was making a fool out of myself playing darts (after one and a half long islands, darts are a bad idea), I leaned back on the bar and on my heel and.... snap. It had broken OFF. And this isn't a stiletto, mind you, this is a big, chunky heel--with four nails in it! Apparently I am just too cool for the shoes. Or I danced in them too much. And rode my bike in them too much. Or because they were 20 bucks.
Anyway, my friend Jim went and bought super glue at the convenience store under the bar, glued it back together, which was sort of successful, and then I stood on one foot for most of the night. But for a while I just took them off and was running around the bar in my stocking feet. And Becca says to me "You realize that you're barefoot in a bar, don't you?" and I wanted to say "Ah... you guys just don't know me, do you?!"
As soon as it's warm enough I'm totally taking off my shoes for good, haha. Anyway... now I'm off to E-Mart in Wolpyeong (because it's snowy so I can't ride my bike to Homeplus), so that I can do my grocery shopping and other various necessities. Woot.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Welcome to 2010!
Wow. A whole decade. It makes you feel kind of old. I mean, since this is the first time that I've been old enough to remember the turn of the last decade. (And I do remember hoping--just a little--that Y2K would hit and I would suddenly become the heroine of a young adult post-apocalyptic novel.)
I had an excellent New Years, and spent the evening with my friend Maddie and her family, who were very kind and just took me in as a surrogate daughter for the holiday. We went to see "Jump!" a comedy martial arts and acrobat show, which had me on the edge of my seat the entire time. (Partially because it was really good, and partially because the man in front of me had an enormous head.) Seeing stuff like that, even in a comedic way, inspires me to get more flexible and work harder at my Taekwondo--though I did notice that most of their flashy stuff was Kung Fu. It was interesting--they kicked like Taekwondo, but all of their weapons work was very Kung Fu--to the point where I actually started to recognize forms that I'd worked on in high school.
After the show we went to a bar that was VERY Korea (underground, tiny, shoved away in a nitche that could easily have been the size of a bathroom in the States) in the area where the New Years festivities were to take place. There were walls of police, which you don't really see too often in Korea, but I soon realized that they were there not to intimidate us, but to keep us away from the setting up of the stage, where some terribly famous performers were about to engage in K-Pop madness.
The New Years Tradition, as I said before, is the ringing of the Bosingak bell 33 times. The Bosingak Bell is located in Jongno in Seoul, and originally constructed by the Joseon dynasty in 1396 (but has, of course, been destroyed and rebuilt multiple times). These days it is only rung on New Years Eve. When we arrived there were parties of dancers preforming traditional Korean music, and this is the first time I've seen such excitement in Korea. They were dressed up and dancing in a circle, pounding on drums, and it was a great beat. We had to dance a little just to keep warm, but we tried not to make absolute fools out of ourselves (of course.)
Then, the countdown happened, and I believe we skipped about 5 seconds, because the clock and the crowd were not on the same plane of existence. And then the cheers went up, and people started to shoot off fireworks in the crowd. (A totally acceptable past time, it seems, because they were selling fireworks to the average folks, with long tubes that you could point up in the air. Only in Korea would this work, because honestly nobody shot each other with them, or even made any mistakes.) The best thing, though, was the sound of the bell. Things were rather quiet, except for the hissing of the fireworks, and the sound of that enormous bell. It had a rather eerie toll, and so we rung in the New Year with something more solemn. I liked that. It fit Korea well--everything so modern and excited and happy, but the pervasive, comforting sound of this ancient Buddhist bell.
Another thing you might find interesting about the ceremony is the Korea Times report on who was chosen to ring the bell. Sixteen people were chosen, of which there appear to be a few naturalized citizens. Five city officials (including the Mayor) are selected by default, but the populous chooses by survey who the other 11 are. (Though I don't know if it is consistently 16 each year.) Everyone was recognized for service to the poor, or educational prowess, or one Mongolian woman, who was chosen because she recieved a "filial piety award" for serving her sick father in law. Intriguing.
It's nice to see people accepted into Korean society. A lot of foreign teachers complain that they will remain "foreign teachers" forever, and that the Korean world has no place for them, and that this is "the most racist country in the world". After seeing things like this, though, I don't think it's necessarily the "foreign-ness" of us, but our status in a complicated social and economic structure that puts us in the "foreign teacher" box, which may be much more difficult to assimilate than the mere "foreigner" box.
Anyway, I know I promised a post about Jeju, but I am slacking considerably. Maybe tomorrow.
I had an excellent New Years, and spent the evening with my friend Maddie and her family, who were very kind and just took me in as a surrogate daughter for the holiday. We went to see "Jump!" a comedy martial arts and acrobat show, which had me on the edge of my seat the entire time. (Partially because it was really good, and partially because the man in front of me had an enormous head.) Seeing stuff like that, even in a comedic way, inspires me to get more flexible and work harder at my Taekwondo--though I did notice that most of their flashy stuff was Kung Fu. It was interesting--they kicked like Taekwondo, but all of their weapons work was very Kung Fu--to the point where I actually started to recognize forms that I'd worked on in high school.
After the show we went to a bar that was VERY Korea (underground, tiny, shoved away in a nitche that could easily have been the size of a bathroom in the States) in the area where the New Years festivities were to take place. There were walls of police, which you don't really see too often in Korea, but I soon realized that they were there not to intimidate us, but to keep us away from the setting up of the stage, where some terribly famous performers were about to engage in K-Pop madness.
The New Years Tradition, as I said before, is the ringing of the Bosingak bell 33 times. The Bosingak Bell is located in Jongno in Seoul, and originally constructed by the Joseon dynasty in 1396 (but has, of course, been destroyed and rebuilt multiple times). These days it is only rung on New Years Eve. When we arrived there were parties of dancers preforming traditional Korean music, and this is the first time I've seen such excitement in Korea. They were dressed up and dancing in a circle, pounding on drums, and it was a great beat. We had to dance a little just to keep warm, but we tried not to make absolute fools out of ourselves (of course.)
Then, the countdown happened, and I believe we skipped about 5 seconds, because the clock and the crowd were not on the same plane of existence. And then the cheers went up, and people started to shoot off fireworks in the crowd. (A totally acceptable past time, it seems, because they were selling fireworks to the average folks, with long tubes that you could point up in the air. Only in Korea would this work, because honestly nobody shot each other with them, or even made any mistakes.) The best thing, though, was the sound of the bell. Things were rather quiet, except for the hissing of the fireworks, and the sound of that enormous bell. It had a rather eerie toll, and so we rung in the New Year with something more solemn. I liked that. It fit Korea well--everything so modern and excited and happy, but the pervasive, comforting sound of this ancient Buddhist bell.
Another thing you might find interesting about the ceremony is the Korea Times report on who was chosen to ring the bell. Sixteen people were chosen, of which there appear to be a few naturalized citizens. Five city officials (including the Mayor) are selected by default, but the populous chooses by survey who the other 11 are. (Though I don't know if it is consistently 16 each year.) Everyone was recognized for service to the poor, or educational prowess, or one Mongolian woman, who was chosen because she recieved a "filial piety award" for serving her sick father in law. Intriguing.
It's nice to see people accepted into Korean society. A lot of foreign teachers complain that they will remain "foreign teachers" forever, and that the Korean world has no place for them, and that this is "the most racist country in the world". After seeing things like this, though, I don't think it's necessarily the "foreign-ness" of us, but our status in a complicated social and economic structure that puts us in the "foreign teacher" box, which may be much more difficult to assimilate than the mere "foreigner" box.
Anyway, I know I promised a post about Jeju, but I am slacking considerably. Maybe tomorrow.
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