I wrote a short story!!

Feeling thoroughly inspired by my collection of short stories by Neil Gaiman, Smoke and Mirrors, I felt inspired to spin a short story. I like the concept but I'm not sure I really spun the tale the way it should have been spun, so I'm posting it here for you to examine and criticize. Please rip it to shreds, so that a better story comes out.

The Most Famous Destination on Earth (Working Title)